Family Composition

Composing music ...

Sometimes it happens through a process of inspiration, where it feels almost like the music has been divinely gifted to the composer, while at other times it happens through structured time built in specifically to create something new and beautiful. Regardless of the method, compositions come together and form in unexpected ways such that when the listener finally hears it, they are moved in ways that nothing else can inspire.

Family composition can be a similar process. For instance, in our visit to Western Massachusetts this weekend we got to meet my friends' Cherry and AJ's two boys, who are in their care through the foster system. Their journey with fostering started 9 months ago with a 4 year-old little boy named J, who came to them with angry and aggressive behaviors (kicking, biting, punching, throwing objects), a mouthful of rotten teeth, no verbal abilities, and years of neglect. Their plan was to provide him a home while another one was lined up for him. But sometimes connection happens and divine intervention strikes. Because even in the face of all of the angry behaviors and the dentist visits and the daily appointments to doctors and therapists, Cherry and AJ fell in love with J. He inspired them to see a possibility that they hadn't seen before, and now that his mother's rights are up for termination, they are excited about the possibility if having J as part of their permanent family. By the way, in the past 9 months he has stopped the aggressive behaviors almost entirely and is the sweetest little LoveBug who likes to explore and talk (even though we may not understand what he's saying).  And just 2 months ago they provided respite care for a 14 year-old boy who had been kicked out of his previous foster home, and this time AJ heard the music. She knew that he had to come live with them, and as it turns out, she was right!  Now, they will go to court in early September and the court will decide if he is able to return to his home, but it's highly unlikely. So, if he chooses, then they will be his new family from now until the end of time. So, inspiration struck, they are listening to their hearts, and their lives (and the lives of these boys) are forever changed by this new composition.

It was music. And it was a new family they didn't even expect, but here it is 9 months later and they couldn't be happier. 

We, on the flip side, are working diligently to compose something beautiful, and it's taking lots of focused effort, plenty of patience, and an acute tuning to the harmony that we must create together in this process.  On Monday morning we returned to Columbia, and it was time for our third insemination.  There was a long wait in between our last try and this one, due to some hiccups along the way.  Since I got the HSG, I forgot that I needed to go back into the office to get an ultrasound and prescription for a fertility drug to help my follicles grow.  Once I missed that window, then I went away for a week to Colorado for work.  So, I assumed that we just had to miss the cycle.  But, as I wrote in our last post, my non-ovulatory body was good fortune on this try because we were able to get the prescription for Letrozol and make my body ovulate on our schedule.  The Letrozol worked well and made my follicles grow like it was meant to do.  While away this weekend, I shot myself up with Ovidrel to induce ovulation, and then in we went on Monday.

As we waited for almost 2.5 hours in the waiting room at Columbia, and then once we were in the room waiting for the insemination to happen, I was thinking how much time and effort we are putting into this process and how much this child will know it is wanted and loved.  Aren't many of the greatest compositions labors of love?  Don't some of the most beautiful pieces of music take years to perfect and compose so that they will fit just perfectly together?  Well, that's what is happening with our family composition.  We are putting in the work now, and (s)he is just waiting in the wings to hear the perfect melody before making her grand entrance.  But, seriously, don't be a DIVA!  Get here as soon as you can :)

Tubes are open... full speed ahead!

Good news this morning!  We went for another Hysterosalpingogram (HSG) test this morning, and it was determined that both fallopian tubes are open and ready for business.  So, hopefully, if the Letrozole does it's job within the next couple of days, we will be trying our 3rd insemination next week.

A lovely way to start a weekend :)

Ovulate Schmovulate!

Giant rainbow trout was caught by the novice angler Cristina Harris on August 2nd at Piney ranch, Colorado!

This was just one headline of last week's excursion to Colorado. I was in Denver from Sunday to Thursday for a training, and on Thursday night I joined Liz at a beautiful home in a resort area in the mountains. The smell of the fresh air, the feeling of the sunshine on my face, the sweet mountain breeze, and the company of my favorite person were the perfect end to a week spent alone staying in a less-than-luxury hotel.  Although I did get to visit the Denver Botanic Gardens while there to view the Chihuly blown glass sculpture exhibit, and it was spectacular. Here are a couple pics to prove it!

Being away temporarily took my mind off the difficulties of figuring out timing barriers to insemination. We knew that my training was going to fall right when I should be ovulating, and when you're going the route we're taking there are multiple monitoring appointments to get a good look at the follicles, increase any medication dosages if necessary, and then inseminate at the first sign of ovulation.  We weren't able to get the prescription for Letrozole (to help my follicles grow) before I left for Colorado, which was frustrating because I tried but it hasn't been pre-authorized with my insurance company by my doctors. So, off I went to Colorado feeling like we had missed our opportunity because I figured that might body might ovulate on its own while I was away. Well, it didn't, so here's what happened...

Upon returning, I went to Columbia on Tuesday for an ultrasound to see what was really going on in there, and for better or worse, my body still refuses to ovulate on its own. And while this is frustrating in some respects, it actually works in our favor in others. Because I don't ovulate (due to PCOS), I am not tied to the tight schedule of cycles that most other women are. Since I had no follicle growth and my uterine lining was still thin, Dr. Ruddick (our favorite doctor) prescribed Letrozole for me and said that I could start that night. After a round of 5 days, I will go back in, get ovulation triggered using Ovidrel (a shot I give myself in the belly), and then return the next day for insemination. All of this to say that we didn't have to miss a cycle thanks to my crazy, rule-breaking body. 

But before we inseminate for the third time, we are going tomorrow to have another HSG done to see if my left Fallopian tube is blocked. In my first HSG in February, it showed up in the scan that my tube looked a bit pinched but they couldn't be sure if that meant there was blockage or if it was just a muscle spasm in reaction to the catheterization procedure. So, now we're gonna find out once and for all if those little swimmers have a working tunnel to my uterus or if we will have to provide them with an alternative route. 

And here's hoping that this procedure doesn't have the same effect as the last one in February when I blacked out at the dentists' office following the HSG and was almost taken away in an ambulance.   Fingers crossed!

So, here we are. Hopeful. Wishing. Wanting. Waiting. And loving each other through it all. Liz continues to love me through my emotional roller coaster of excitement, frustration, anger, hope, fear, and everything in between. And that feels like everything right now😊