Ellie was important in my life and and our life as a family. It's difficult to explain who we lost. Our hearts are heavy. To share who Ellie was I will post my eulogy here for Anzel to read in the future.
I read this at her beautiful memorial service on Sunday 1/10/2016 in Brooklyn.
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| Ellie Conant |
Ellie Conant was my "little sister" and one of my best friends.
Picture it, New York,1999…. Ellie was 20 years old. She had just moved to New York City to follow her first love Shannon from Washington state after they met… at an Ani DiFranco concert! How lesbian is that?
Shortly after her move to Brooklyn, Ellie and I met in a video editing course at Dyke TV. Most of the students were new to the city so we bonded quickly…. but Ellie and I had an instant click being the only west coasters. We decided pair up and shoot video of what seemed super cutting edge and progressive at the time of the Millennium, Yup…. DRAG KINGS! I’m not sure what ever happened to all the footage since this was very pre-digital but we ended up with the best masterpiece of all. A lifetime friendship with far less drama than a Lifetime television show.
Ellie was the only underage person in our class. Since we needed footage in clubs we tried to make her a “Dyke TV Press Pass”. It didn’t work. This was Guiliani era but pre-9-11 New York. We quickly figured out that the doormen at the Rising Cafe in park slope, Meow Mix and the Clit Club really only needed to see an ID…. ANY ID….SHE USED MY ID. We look alike right??
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| 2 Elizabeths |
Her lust for nightlife was apparent even then.
She used to bring me her cash tips from her job at Starbuck to hold in my sock drawer…. What she “deemed the Bank of Liz”. I was supposed to play moral ATM when she need it for real expenses instead of going out.
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| Karaoke for Joelle's Birthday in 2005 |
Over the years she moved out of Barista and cafe management life, a blue man phase, and the various nanny gigs and started to connect with so many of you as a party promoter. I remember the day she un-veiled herself as the Gaysha. I thought “Dang my little sis is coming into her own now.”
She honed her talent and strengths. Nobody built a more inclusive warm space for queer people. Her prowess .... she could bring people together and build community. She helped to bond people, making introductions creating friendships and I'm sure more than one romantic relationship because of snapshot, choice cunts and pride events.
We all know she had a killer sense of humor and was the first person to reach out and say “hey, Gurl”. She was a charmer and with a smile and a funny quip she made all around her feel seen and loved. I was proud of her and this time Ellie was getting ME into clubs!
Going to her parties was like watching a bright sparkling firefly. She would move about the darkened crowd and people would want to capture a bit of that glow she emitted. Smiles would spread out as she passed giving hugs and winks. It was a kind of magic that few possess.
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| Us |
Ellie had a very public persona and a private side that she shared with her nearest and dearests. There were girlfriends and break-ups and somehow she kept the peace and maintained friendships. When she met her Fiancee Melissa I was witness to another big shift for Ellie. A relationship that was deeply adult and very much for keeps. They balanced each other in a way I had not seen before. The love that she had for Melissa was something I hope all of you have in your lives at least once.
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| Liz, Cristina, Melissa and Ellie at the Pool Show, Ice Palace, Cherry Grove Summer 2014 |
Over the last few years we were able to have some vacations together as couples in Fire Island. We had some of our best times ever. There was one evening in Cherry Grove we had a bit too much to drink and I told Ellie that we were planning to start a family. Her reaction surprised me. She told me she was really worried that if we had a baby we would lose our friendship and no longer see each other. I assured her that was not going to be the case, that things might change but our friendship was solid forever. Then a few months later in October 2014 I got a call from Ellie that she was at the hospital and had been there a few days. My partner, Cristina and I went right away. She and Melissa didn’t know at the time what exactly what was happening but they knew it most likely was cancer. We realized the seriousness of the situation and decided to tell them both the news we had only shared with our moms… it was we were expecting a baby in May 2015. We said she must be well again to an Auntie to our child.
Well that news lit Ellie right up. She was excited about the baby and it gave her a little beacon of light throughout her cancer treatments. When our son Anzel was born she dubbed him “Zellie” and so much of that love she had for me was showered on him. I’m so thankful that she was able to meet him and love him but one of the most difficult aspects of this loss is that Zellie will grow up not knowing Ellie. Please if you see our son as he grows up share your stories about Aunt Ellie with him.
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| Ellie, Zellie and Cristina 7/4/2015 |
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| July 4, 2015 with Melissa & Ellie |
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| Ellie and Anzel in Elizaville, Aug 2015 |
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| Nov 8, 2015 |
Ellie was many things to many people, but when we distill it all down to her spirit... the result is LOVE. She was all about Love. Spreading it about. Introducing you to kimchi and love.
All of us will miss her forever so we must carry her spirit onwards.
Each of you have special memories with Ellie. I ask you each to do what Ellie would do. Get a Heineken and a shot of Jameson. Um just kidding…. I always hated that Heineken. But seriously after this memorial introduce yourself to the people here you don’t know. Share the funny story you have brimming in your heart about Ellie. Meet her mom and twin brother Eddie and tell them what you shared with their girl. Do something that you deem is “soooo Ellie”. Give people a smile for no reason. Spread a little love and keep it positive. Hug Melissa and give her a really good cup of coffee. Listen to Erasure. Go to eat some Korean bbq and bring someone with you who has never tasted it before. You know what to do.
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| Our last visit, 12/30/2015 |
Our dear friend Ellie wanted leave a legacy before she passed away on January 1, 2016. She decided to focus on the LGBTQ youth living in Korea. There are no laws protecting the rights of LGBTQ people in South Korea (Don't even ask what happens in North Korea!). The suicide rates are very high for the youth that do come out. Please help continue her legacy by donating to the Astraea Foundation in her honor. The money will go to an LGBTQ youth shelter in Korea. Be sure to indicate that your donation is in memory of Ellie Conant so that the funds are allocated to this specific youth shelter.
https://crm.astraeafoundation.org/civicrm/contribute/transact?reset=1&id=5
