Splendid Summer Solstice ... and then a week of surprises!

 Oooooweeee!  It has been quite a week. Let's start with the weekend and then proceed from there, as it gets more complicated. Liz and I had planned to spend the day of Summer Solstice (Saturday) on Fire Island because last year we made a day trip out of it, and it was magical. As our luck would have it, a friend of ours who has a house on Fire Island offered for us to stay the night, and we were elated.  Our friends Ellie and Tamika were able to join us, and we spent a glorious two days on Fire Island (a gay mecca with no cars and beautiful beaches). We grilled veggies, chicken, and corn on the cob and enjoyed dinner outside in the deck on Saturday. We spent lots of time on the beach, got to swim in a heated pool, and watched the best drag show you'll ever see by the pool at the Ice Palace. Tamika even got involved by joining in the modeling contest, which required each contestant to strut around the pool while being bad-mouthed by the drag queens. Quite a sight!

As we returned on Monday, we were feeling blissed out until we got a call from our real estate agent stating that there was another offer on the house, even though we had an accepted offer. The seller wanted BEST and HIGHEST bids by Tuesday at 6:00, and we were not allowed to have any information about the nature of the other bid. So, in our frustration and anger (it just seemed so unfair), we upped our offer and felt like we might be okay. Wednesday morning we got a call that the seller had chosen the other offer... We lost the house😞.  All day Wednesday we were both devastated, sad, and angry. But then, by Thursday, we had decompressed a bit and were able to rally our spirits back up.

Strangely, on the same day we found out we were outbid, we also received good news at Columbia that my follicles were growing and one was at 18mm. Once the follicle reaches 22-23 mm it's time to ovulate, so it was good news because they've been a bit slow to grow. We were told to monitor my possible ovulation at home with test strips each night and then come back when I was ovulating.

Well, as it turns out, I started ovulating on Thursday night and was scheduled to facilitate a training on Friday morning at 9:00 a.m. on the Brooklyn College campus, which is at least an hour commute from Columbia (fertility clinic).  So, I had to re-adjust and ask for a last-minute replacement for my first training session, and then take over for the second part of the day.  Ovulation is a short window of time, and my eggs wait for no one... so, off we went to Columbia on Friday morning for our second insemination.  It just so happens that it's also the start to PRIDE weekend here in NYC, so this just might be the perfect time to conceive a SUPER GAYBY :)

As with the first round, we are hopeful but we are also keeping our expectations low, knowing that this process could take a while for us.  And, if we happen to get pregnant this time, it will feel like a huge bonus!  So, we're thinking lots of positive baby thoughts and sending lots of love to that little one who is waiting in the wings.  When she's ready to take the stage, it will be all hers!

Casa Esperanza

We have fallen in love... With a house! After 9+ months of looking at homes upstate we found a house we love in the Hudson River town of Athens, NY. This is the second home we have made an offer on, but this time the seller accepted our offer (and this time we know we want to buy this home). This past weekend we were upstate staying in Marbletown at the home of our lovely friends Bart & Joey. They have a such a great home and land with a little pond and pasture. We've been so lucky to stay there and I think our first visit made us think about buying real estate upstate.

Lola loves her visits Upstate

,

Lola & Billie lounging at Joey & Bart's

 

I was always of the mind set that we should buy in NYC or move. Our minds shifted drastically over the last three years as the real estate market here has gone totally bonkers. We can't afford a two bedroom anyplace in the boroughs, especially not in Brooklyn. Getting a mortgage as a self employed person is no easy task and then the competition is crazy on what little inventory the housing market has currently. Because we both love our city and my business keeps me here, we are rooted here. Commuting from upstate daily isn't an option but we yearn for something that has green space. Which brings us to our current situation and best solution. We are buying a home for the weekends.

While we are nervous about affording our rent, the house and the baby we hope to make, its time to stretch and invest in our sanity.

We had the house inspected over the weekend. The results were pretty positive for a very old historic home. I will not post more until we secure our mortgage and have a closing date BUT this is what is consuming our thoughts. We look at the pictures of the house everyday. That's how in love we are.

In follicle news... No growth yet. We are still waiting. Had a sonogram at Columbia today with our favorite doctor. We return next week to see if there is growth or if Cristina has to switch meds. Patience is more than a virtue.

I'm watching a man practice rock climbing in Central Park on the boulders at the south end of the park. It's maybe a 7 ft wall at max. Funny how we can make a challenge out of even the smallest rocks.

If that mockingbird don't sing...

...It means he has a girlfriend.

In the last couple of months so many people we know are trying to get pregnant. Seemingly all of a sudden anyone who wasn't married has become engaged or hitched and now they are all banging on the conception door. Perhaps that point after reaching 35 but someplace before you turn 40 bells start going off.... when we visit the fertility clinic its now more likely we will run into friends also attempting to get knocked up. It's not a race against one another, but a race against our own aging bodies. As if I just looked at the calendar for the first time in years and realized "Oh shit, I forgot to have a baby. How did we get this old?" Oy Vey.

Cristina ran into yet another friend in the process at Columbia this morning. Nice for her to see a friendly face. There is a baby boom a happening with the LGBT couples in our age group. Ask anyone in NYC they are bound to know a non-traditional family... New Normal... Etc. Makes me feel like whatever child comes into our lives they will be surrounded with a similar community of peers! Which of course we are embracing whole heartedly.

So the follicles aren't cooperating right now. Slow to grow. Dose of clomid is increased this round.

We had the chance to facetime with my brother and our 9 month old Nephew Henry today. Damn is he cute. We have 3 Nephews. My Brother said if we manage to have a girl, our Mother will make it rain hairbows on us. She has no granddaughter. The floodgates will open for all sorts of girlie gear. I said what if we have a boy who is gender fluid? He said bring it on.

In other news... It is SPRING around here. You think that humans controls nature in this crazy concrete city? Here we have proof of a very lively wildlife community in prospect/crown heights. There is a squirrel mom and baby living in our urban garden (ahem, planters on our fire escape). They are kinda cute to watch. The mom carries the baby around in her mouth and nurses a lot. She is very protective and will not leave the baby much except to run to the tree branch right nearby the fire escape.

A Short Video of Mama & Baby

At least we provide a good home to wild squirrels with our urban garden.

Also this is our 3rd June in our apartment. Each June so far a mockingbird comes to stay in the tree in front of our apartment building. The bird's song erratic is someplace between a car alarm and a fun cacophonous melody. If you never have heard what they sound like you can listen here. They say "Unmated males are the most insistent singers, carrying on late all day and late into the night." This dude is looking for a lady for sure! Every creature wants the same thing after all.

Triple Cute Tuesday

  

It was an early morning as we arose with the sun and headed out of our apartment by 6:45-ish.  After the 5-day round of Clomid, it was time to check in on the follicles.  As we sat bleary-eyed in the waiting room, we anxiously talked about hearing back from the sellers of the house upstate.  And before we knew it, we were with Dr. Ruddick (she's our favorite) checking on their status.  As it turns out, the follicles need more time - they have some growing to do.  So, we'll return on Friday and see if they're cooperating.

Afterwards we decided to have some tea and sit outside near Columbus Circle.  After sitting down and chatting for a bit about follicular growth, home ownership, and life in general, we saw the most adorable thing.... 3 small dogs in a stroller!  Only in New York.

I said hello to the owner and asked if I could take a picture.  She replied kindly, "Of course," as she pulled the stroller up closer so we could capture their true beauty.  After talking for a few minutes, she sat down and introduced herself.  We were delighted to meet Jill, a Maltese breeder, and to hear her stories of growing up near Central Park.  She used to own a horse that she kept in Central Park and rode each day, and she was an ice skater in Wollman rink alongside some skaters primed to compete in the Olympics.  For 7 years she was an auxiliary policewoman in the park, which means she trotted around on horseback making sure people were safe.  She was a spry 80 year-old woman, and it was clear that she'd lived an interesting life.  For that short time we were with her, our minds were free of follicle thoughts, concerns about finances, and what home ownership would look like... and we just enjoyed hanging out with a true New Yorker.

We also heard back from the sellers of the upstate house today, and it seems that we are ready to move forward.  We're going back up to visit again this Saturday, and this time we're switching from house-hunting mode to house-buying mode.  This house will hopefully be ours by the end of summer, and we can't wait to have a place to put our feet in the grass, plant a garden, enjoy the fireplace on a cold night, and breathe the fresh air.  

Anti....

         ci......................         p  .................   atio.................................     N

That seems to be the name of the game for us right now.  It's a good thing we're in this game together!

Lakes, Houses, Friends and a Gayby

We spent the weekend celebrating Mary's half birthday (June 4th) at a beautiful lakehouse during the day and sleeping in an old schoolhouse during the night in Hancock, NY.  It was a much-needed break for both of us from doctor's appointments, dentist appointments (Liz), house hunting, and ever-present technology.

We got the chance to kayak and swim each day in Somerset Lake, which was surprisingly warmer than we expected.  We were a crew of 14 people, and the weekend was replete with watermelon, hot dogs, barbecuing (for that outdoor taste), swimming, S'More making, kayaking, frisbee throwing, sunblock-wearing, and lots of conversations ending in nonsensical laughter.  We miss it already!  In the midst of all of this natural beauty and enjoyment, we were contacted by our real estate agent who let us know that a house we looked at the previous weekend in Athens, NY had another couple interested in buying.  We had intended to make an offer, but with this added motivation, we tossed our hat into the ring and formally submitted our offer.  After some back and forth with the seller's agent, we now await their final decision tomorrow, at which point we'll let you know :)

On the gayby front ... we're headed back to Columbia tomorrow to check out how my follicles look on camera.  We're hoping they measure up, and when they hit their growth spurt, then it's time for Round 2 of insemination.  It feels like it's been about 6 months since the last insemination, as all of this waiting seems to make time slow down.  We've also had a wedding to officiate and sing in, some challenging family health news, a visit from Cristina's mom to the city, house hunting, and this has all been on top of our regular work schedules.

As we reflect on these past few months, we can't help but feel incredibly lucky to have the freedoms to do all that we do and to start a family together rooted in love.  Even in the midst of the craziness that is our lives (at times), we wouldn't have it any other way.  And we are happy to have you along for the journey!

Cristina and Liz (aka CriziL)

Liz by the Lake

Sunset at Somerset Lake

WATERMELON!!!

  Mary cutting her 2 Half Cakes

  Our pad for the weekend

Teenage Mutant

This is the time in my life I'm most learning to have patience. To do what I can and realize there's a lot I cannot control. For a long time I've wanted to be a parent but worried so much about having enough money and the right partner. I know Cristina will be a fantastic mom undeniably ....but.... Is there ever enough money? I've also given in to these financial worries mostly realizing that people around the globe of all economic backgrounds have figured out how to raise children. Your parents did it, Your grandparents did it. All those folks post evolution did it without doctors, antibiotics and washing machines!

Now that we are in the throws of trying to get pregnant, where every step is intentional and paid for by us, I've stopped thinking about the cost of getting pregnant. I've moved on to thinking about child care and schooling. Ha! But I'm getting ahead of myself. We'll figure it out as we go. 

Picking our donor was an epic tale. It was as if we were online dating for sperm. Want a donor that "looks" like Brad Pitt? A more obscure b list celebrity such as chad michael Murray (btw I have no idea who that is) no problem! Except you have to trust the cryobank says "handsome, dazzling, charming and/or intelligent" they're not just trying to sell sperm. They even offer face matching software, which we opted not to pay the extra fee. That's how fancy it's become. 

After pouring over hundreds of donor profiles, we finally chose a seemingly well-rounded human who was a swimmer, an artist, and a bit of nerd (we even saw his impressive SAT score). We only saw one baby photo of him, and because of his attire we refer to him as "Ninja Turtle".

--Liz

Waiting with gratitude

(Written yesterday)
Waiting and waiting. This morning I awoke bright and early at 5:45 to shower and get myself out of the house by 6:20 so that I could make it to Columbia by 7:30. The idea was to get there when they first started seeing patients so that I didn't have to wait, but I waited for blood work, waited again for a doctor to come in and do an ultrasound, and then waited again for a nurse to give me a prescription. But I still made it just on time for work, rolling in the door at 9:00.

And here it is 9:15 pm, and I'm still going strong and feeling excited about starting this next round. I know statistically speaking it's probably going to take us at least 6 months to conceive, but emotions aren't something we can control. I feel a little giddy and think that this time could be the big surprise. It could be that YES moment, even though logically I know I don't want to be tooooooo hopeful.

Tonight I attended my friend Booker's yoga for Changemakers session, which was heart-centered and focused on compassion. I met the most amazing man there named Ash Faith, and I had the honor of being his partner as we shared during the session. I learned that 4 years ago on June 5th he was in a car accident that left him in a 2-month coma and with a traumatic brain injury. As we moved through the practice I could see him struggle. I felt him next to me as he fell over again and again, and when we did a partner balancing exercise, we held each other up and kept one another from falling. In the end we shared about the following quote, "When you can move through your discomfort, I can move out of my pain and we can meet somewhere in the middle."  He shared that he is still in the process of forgiveness and that the last 4 years have been an incredible process of healing and recovery. He is in the midst of writing 4 books, and he publicly speaks to people about his experience. To see someone struggle and fight and stay focused and be extraordinary is awe-inspiring.

So, as I sit on the train this morning, I reflect on my gratitude for life. Life as precious. Life as fragile. Life as joyous beyond measure. And I look forward to bringing a new life into this world.

Monday Monday ...

As Monday has rolled around and I sit at my desk dreaming of outdoor adventures and what our baby will look like, I can't help but wish this process would just hurry up!  We actually wanted to start the process of getting pregnant a year ago, but when I called to make an initial appointment at Columbia Women's Reproductive Center, I got a rude awakening.  I had NO health insurance!  I left my salaried job the December before and filled out all the paperwork for COBRA insurance coverage.  I assumed (never do this) that I was covered and hadn't needed to go to the doctor, so when I found out 6 months later that we couldn't even start the process, I was devastated!  Part of the reason I left that full-time position was so that we could start trying to get pregnant, and I could have a more flexible schedule.  So began the search for a full-time gig that provided health insurance.  In the meantime, we had to put our SUPER GAYBY dreams on hold for a bit.

I searched and searched.  The waiting and longing and wanting and wishing took longer than we had hoped (as seems to be our pattern over the past year), until finally I started a new job in mid-December.  When the insurance kicked in on January 1st, we were off and running!  We headed straight to Columbia again, and started the process for real.

After many visits, blood tests, a HSG (Hysterosalpingogram) that went terribly wrong (I passed out in the dentist's office 4 hours later), and multiple ultrasounds to check out my ovaries, we finally made it to the point of insemination... on May 14th.  It was our first, and while the test was negative, we are so incredibly happy to be finally IN THE PROCESS. 

So, we wanted to document this process and share it with you.  Because we feel a bit like we're in a cosmic waiting room, and it would certainly be nice to have a room full of happy and supportive people to be a part of this whole adventure with us.  So, join us, won't you?

Enjoying life in the meantime at Brooklyn Bridge Park

While waiting in the spaces between knowing and unknowing, we take our time enjoying the sunshine, grass, and skyline of the city together.  After finishing our first cycle of IUI and hearing over the phone from a nurse that our test was "negative", we are feeling hopeful and ready for the next round.

In the meantime, to keep our minds and hearts from obsessing solely on making a SUPER GAYBY, we are also searching for the perfect weekend home upstate New York.  This weekend we saw about 15 properties and have fallen in love (maybe that's too strong of a word.... but it sure feels that way) with an absolutely charming house in an historic town right on the Hudson River called Athens.  A sweet little get-a-away home right across the river from Hudson, it seems like a perfect weekend spot, so we'll see what decisions may come.

And while it seems that we are in a constant state of waiting (for almost everything to happen in our lives), we are happy to have each other through it all.  And mostly, we just can't wait to meet our SUPER GAYBY.