New Jersey = My Land of the Lost

Seems we are still in holding pattern with pregnancy cycles. Waiting to see if Cristina will have another HSG test to determine if a tube is blocked and If we will change drugs. She has a great career opportunity to be trained in Denver next week, so it may complicate this cycle due to timing. While we don't want to miss a chance, we do have unavoidable things that arise... It's the way it goes. 

On Saturday night we took my cousin Jeremy and his wife Clare to see a New York Red  Bulls soccer match in Harrison, New Jersey. It was our 40th birthday gift to Jeremy from back in march. It was a quite a commute on the Path train. Took us about 2 + hours door to door. While we headed to the game we talked about what it would be like to live in New Jersey. Cristina's aunt Laurie has a business in Jersey City and she always encouraging us to look at real estate there. After living in Brooklyn for 16 years I don't think NJ is going to feel like home. I'd explore more but I just can't see living there. By the way Harrison is a weird place, desolate except for the stadium -- but of course there's condo buildings in mid construction in close proximity to the stadium. The game was a lot of fun and there was a fireworks display afterwards. Pretty impressive. 

Sunday we used out new wheels to again go to New Jersey! Twice in a weekend??? Yes. We decided to hike in palisades park along the cliffs and shores of the Hudson River. The views of northern Bronx, Spuyten Duyvil and Riverdale up past Yonkers are lovely. 

We thought we had our route all set. Cristina picked a 5 mile hike from Alpine picnic area up the cliffs to see the old foundations of the estates which are long gone now that the area is a park. 

Well we thought that was the hike we were on... But something wasn't adding up. We couldn't find the trailhead. We asked around and got pointed in one direction and started off. After about 4 miles we didn't see anything that resembled the description of the hike. We just kept on hiking looking for the next connecting trail to get us back to our car. Good thing the weather was excellent... Because we started our hike in englewood, about 6 miles south of where we were supposed to start!! We hiked about 10 miles and ended up in the parking lot of alpine picnic area, 6 miles north of where our car was. It's somehow true, the only place I've been lost the world has been in New Jersey. Foot or car doesn't matter. All I can figure is this has to do bad and lacking signage.

Considering we were tired of walking about 4 hours and hungry... For the second time in our 5.5 years as a couple we hitchhiked. (The first time was in Italy). I asked an older man with a long white beard plus 8 year old grandson for a ride to our car. They kindly obliged. If you ever need to hitchhike try to find someone with a child. They are less likely to hurt you. 

Cristina got us a groupon for this crazy Korean mega spa called King Spa in Palisades... The reason we went to NJ to hike. The spa was pure bliss after our very long trek. Boy did we need it! We were so relaxed after a few hours we both fell asleep in lazy boy recliners. A good end to the weekend. 

The Voice of NO

Her voice on the other end of the phone was so light and hopeful, "Hello, can I speak to Cristina Harris?"  I knew who was calling and was feeling encouraged by her tone of voice.  She stated her name, which I don't remember now and that she was calling from Dr. McConnell's office at Columbia. Her tone conveyed that perhaps there was some good news, exciting and life-changing news, ahead but then she said, "I'm sorry... Blah, blah, blah," and the smallest bit of hope that I had for this try was gone. The air left my heart, and I felt deflated. I squatted in the hallway at work, looking at the brown carpet, elevators, and long corridor of beige walls wondering why the universe just continues to fuck with us. It made me question everything. What am I doing?  Why am I not traveling more and having more adventures?  Why, if this is so hard, would I feel the need to bear a child of my own when there are so many unwanted babies who would be lucky to have me as a mom?  If this isn't it, then what's the big change that's going to happen in my life to move me forward?  Questioning. Everything.   

And then, as the day was coming to a close after receiving this news, I had to have a phone call with THE MOST angry, aggressive, irritating, and irascible woman I have ever met. She voiced complaint about everything, felt that she and others have been wronged, refused to listen to my explanation of how I planned to help support a fully-inclusive process, and talked over me as if nothing I said had any value.  This a professional woman whose role requires daily interaction with families. She is the co-chair of a group for which I am responsible, and yet she is truly one of the most ignorant and incompetent people I have ever met. So, by the time I got off the phone, my whole body was shaking, and my co-workers commended me on how calm and collected I remained in the face of an obviously frustrating phone call. They turned their chairs around to provide support and allow me to vent, while also giving me guidance and reassuring me that I managed someone who is historically difficult with diplomacy and finesse. This makes me incredibly thankful to be working in an environment where people care about me, believe in me, and are truly kind. It's such a refreshing change of pace.  And it's what we all deserve. 

And after all this, I left work and headed to our weekly couples therapy appointment. Our therapist was away last week, so we had A LOT to talk about. It was such a relief to have time and space to just share all that's going on for us and process it together. Although I am questioning the universe and feeling the incredible frustration of not moving forward more quickly, I am forever grateful to have Liz by my side through it all. I can't imagine riding this roller coaster with anyone else. 

T minus 3 hours

Blood drawn. 

No period

                          Sitting in my office chair like nothing is stirring inside my heart.          

         .....Waiting and hoping.... 

                             ....Waiting and planning for the next cycle of trying... 

                   Waiting and wishing that the waiting would stop.

Our 2-week action-packed journey

Family.  Celebration of life. California. Florida. 2-week waiting period. Evening in Savannah. New car.  Roadtrip up the eastern seaboard.  And the adventures of Cowboy Spike and his trusty horse, Sparky... A quick summary of the last 10 days in the life of Liz and Cristina.

This has been an action-packed couple weeks, starting with our second insemination 2 weeks ago yesterday.  We'll be returning to Columbia on Monday to find out the results, but until then, I remain confused about what's happening in my body.  It could be that the light cramps that I'm feeling mean that I'll shed my uterine lining within the next couple days and the question will be answered, but instead of coming on time, it's making us wait.  Waiting to see if there might be the seed of a new life stirring within or if we'll need to keep trying.  Only time will tell.

Last week we ventured to Northern California for a beautiful 70th birthday celebration for Liz's father, Dan.  The whole family was there, including our adorable 3 nephews.  The morning after we arrived, Mason (4 years old), walked around the house early in the morning with excitement and then returned to his mom, Catherine, and reported that the WHOLE family was sleeping in the house - Grumpus (grandpa) and Mamer (grandma); Uncle Joe, Aunt Katie, and their baby, Henry; Aunt Lizzie and Aunt Cristina from New York; Cousin Melissa from Texas; and his mom, dad, and little brother, Elliott.  What a wonderful surprise for Mason to have every family member together under one roof!

    Mason and Henry ... Superhero cousins hangin' out

We spent time preparing the house, shopping for groceries, and making sure everything was just right for the big party.  And when his 4th of July birthday rolled around, this party was such a spectacular representation of how much love is in the Tenenbaum family!  While it got crazy at times, there's no doubt that Susan (Liz's mom) goes above and beyond at all times to ensure everyone feels the love.  It was an amazing party with more than 80 people showing up at the Tenenbaum home to celebrate Dan ... and his smile was proof that he would never forget his 70th birthday.

   Cousin Melissa, Liz, and Liz's mom, Susan ... strong genetics, huh?

Three days after returning from California, we hopped on a plane for Florida.  When we thought we would be buying the home in Athens, my mom generously offered to give us her car so that we could drive back and forth on the weekends to enjoy our new home.  So, we booked a one-way flight to Florida with the plan to drive the car back to NYC.  Well, even though the house didn't work out, we now have a beautiful white Toyota Camry that drives like a dream, and we're in mid-roadtrip up the east coast... in South Carolina, to be exact.

    A little fun on Englewood Beach in Florida

    The humble beginnings of the story of Cowboy Spike and his trusty horse, Sparky.     

    It all started on a Florida beach at sunset.

We spent last night in Savannah, Georgia and enjoyed an awesome dinner with drinks at The Olde Pink House.  We had the most delicious shrimp and grits we had ever tasted, along with crab cakes, seared scallops, and some fried green tomatoes, all while listening to a piano player singing classics in a candlelit underground bar.  It was perfect!!  Then, we wondered through the historic district drooling over all of the beautifully-built 19th century homes, wishing we could transport some of them to a countryside location in the Hudson Valley where we would enjoy weekends for years to come.  Soon enough.  Soon enough.

   Adorable home in North Historic District of Savannah

As we've been on this journey, we've also been tracking the adventures of a Lego cowboy and his horse from Florida all the way to Brooklyn, and sending pictures and the story of their journey via text message to our nephew, Mason.  He's sending videos back to Cowboy Spike, and last night he pointed straight into the camera and said, "Stop eating so much candy, Cowboy Spike!"  It's adorable and makes me wonder how his brain is processing the stories of these adventures.

    Cowboy Spike and the largest candy apples in the world... he had three!

Awaiting all the wonders that lie ahead, I can't help but feel so grateful for all we have and hopeful for all that's to come.  My horoscope said that July would be the best month of the year, and that all of the waiting that's happened in the beginning of this year would be made worth it.  So, bring it on!  We are ready for a new chapter to begin.

   Cristina and baby Elliott ... I think it's love <3