To Life

On this day 42 years ago, my mother was becoming a parent for the first time. His name was William Glenwood Harris, Billy as we knew him, and this would have been his 42nd birthday. 

 

Each year I think about him on this day and wonder what his life would look like if he was still with us on this planet. I imagine how different my life would be if he was still here and what our family would look like with him as my brother and as my mother and father's son. I mourn his absence while simultaneously celebrating my childhood spent with a big brother. 

But this year is different, and my emotions have taken on an added layer. This morning I woke up wondering what my mother was feeling on this day 42 years ago. Was she nervous?  Did she feel overwhelmed with excitement?  Was she prepared for this new journey of parenthood?  Yes, I woke up feeling some of what my mom must have been feeling on that morning, and I didn't sleep well last night in preparation for this momentous day. In reflecting at the end of the day, it felt as though he may have been communicating with the little being inside of me and helping me remember the day that he was born. So, thank you to the mysteries of the universe for speaking through my womb and for connecting me to my own mother in ways that defy logic or reason. 

For today, I am thankful for the memories I shared with Billy in childhood and for the life growing within me. I hope to be as strong, generous, and loving in parenthood as my mother was to us. 

A look back to September

As I was looking at the notes I keep on my phone today, I found the piece below that I wrote on September 18, 2014 and thought I would share...

I have been waiting for you my whole life. And while you're just the size of a poppy seed inside of me right now, I could not be more excited to meet you!  I am certain that you will be the greatest love of my life, and knowing this, I want to share with you more about who I am, why I believe the universe chose me to be your mom, and some lessons I've learned in my time on this Earth.  I humbly share this with you because it is your right to know, and I feel compelled to share with you my heart, my soul, and my life. 

To be quite honest, this was not the way I planned my life when I was younger. Having grown up in Illinois, the expectations for women are fairly traditional in the sense that it is expected you will marry a man and start having children well before your  30th birthday. And while this was what I grew up believing would be my path (because I didn't realize there were other options), I began to get discouraged when I turned 30 and had not yet found the man of my dreams and started a family. 

But I came to realize that the universe was simply letting me discover who I was  before unfolding it's magic in the form of your mom, Liz. We found each other when I was 32, and she has become my favorite person in the world. I know that she will be the same for you too. Her warmth, compassion, generosity, humor, and ability to tell great stories makes her one-of-a-kind, and I hope that these are characteristics that you gain by having her as a mother. 

While it took us a while to get to the point of having you, our first child, this gave us plenty of time to build our love for each other and truly commit to being loving, generous, and happy parents. We have wanted to have you join our family for a long time, and now that I'm 5 weeks pregnant, I cannot wait to meet you. 

Since we found out about you just last week, I have been unbelievably excited, and you're all I can think about. I've read that this is the point where I might start to feel some morning sickness, but so far I feel great!  I have been working out and haven't felt sick at all. Let's hope that continues.

...Right now you're about the size of an apple seed (.13 inches), and the cells that form your heart and other organs are starting to come together to form you. Before next week, you will double in size and your neural tube and heart will be formed. Of course, I can't feel any of this and we won't be able to see it yet when we look at a sonogram because you're just a tiny little tadpole. But I know it's happening, and I'm picturing you growing everyday. 

I'm feeling a little bit tired from all of the work that my body is doing internally to create you, but it just means I'm going to bed earlier at night. I'm still exercising and eating well because I want to make sure you're healthy and growing. Whatever I can do to ensure you have the best life from the start is what I plan to do, so keep on growing and I'll keep creating the conditions for a happy and comfortable stay for the next 9 months.

I'm now 6 weeks pregnant, and we went back to the doctor yesterday to get our first glimpse of you. You're only the size of an apple seed right now, but we saw your tiny flickering heartbeat and we completely fell in love. You're really in there and you're  growing bigger everyday. By next week you will double in size and soon your arms, legs, nose, and ears will start to form right inside the warm and cozy environment of my uterus. It's miraculous how a little ball of cells just knows what to do. They all work together to form ll the parts that will make you a human being. And for the next 9 months you will keep growing and getting to know us, your mommies, from the inside. You'll learn our voices and hear us singing and telling silly jokes. And, in the meantime, we'll get to see glimpses of you every once in a while through ultrasound, I'll start to feel you moving around, and then we will finally get to meet you in May 2015. I can't wait for that day!

Keep the Fires Burning - 22 weeks

We've been very busy working on our house ever since the closing at the beginning of December. Garage doors just have been installed. Over the New Year Holiday my cousin Jeremy and his wife Clare as well as our friends Mary and Clarke helped us tearout our old giant brick wood stove. It's a good thing we did because the flooring underneath the brick stove was burned. There were lots of cracks in the bricks and chimney ...potentially dangerous. We used the old bricks to build a fire pit in the back yard. A new wood stove goes in on Friday. We can't wait!

Before - The old homemade russian style brick wood stove

After the demo! See that Burn in the floor...

Jeremy and Clare also helped us cut the kitchen cabinets to fit our refrigerator into place giving the kitchen much more floor space! We are so lucky to have them as family and as friends too. 

We cooked some yummy foods and collectively worked on the house for 4 days. They all helped so much... We are so thankful for everything that got accomplished. 

Mary didn't cook Lola stew

Mary makes her amazing chicken (no dog was involved until she begged for chicken)

On Tuesday night I was able to feel our baby move for the first time! We decided to watch the movie "Big Fish" which I never have seen. While we were watching Cristina grabbed my hand and put it on her belly. Then I felt him! So cool. It's sometimes hard to remember that Zellbot (our nickname for the in utero baby) is a separate entity than his mom's ever growing belly. Now that I can feel him on the outside it's so real. 

Last night was our six year anniversary of our first date. I can't believe it's been six years - that long and that short - with ups and downs that have led us to having a family of our own. We celebrated by going out to dinner at Cooklyn a new restaurant that is open near us on Vanderbilt. Cristina looks even more stunning than she did when we first met. Pregnancy really agrees with her and I'm very much in love with both the baby and the baby mama. 

Mi Amore

More than halfway! 22 weeks of Zellbot & looking good!