To Life

On this day 42 years ago, my mother was becoming a parent for the first time. His name was William Glenwood Harris, Billy as we knew him, and this would have been his 42nd birthday. 

 

Each year I think about him on this day and wonder what his life would look like if he was still with us on this planet. I imagine how different my life would be if he was still here and what our family would look like with him as my brother and as my mother and father's son. I mourn his absence while simultaneously celebrating my childhood spent with a big brother. 

But this year is different, and my emotions have taken on an added layer. This morning I woke up wondering what my mother was feeling on this day 42 years ago. Was she nervous?  Did she feel overwhelmed with excitement?  Was she prepared for this new journey of parenthood?  Yes, I woke up feeling some of what my mom must have been feeling on that morning, and I didn't sleep well last night in preparation for this momentous day. In reflecting at the end of the day, it felt as though he may have been communicating with the little being inside of me and helping me remember the day that he was born. So, thank you to the mysteries of the universe for speaking through my womb and for connecting me to my own mother in ways that defy logic or reason. 

For today, I am thankful for the memories I shared with Billy in childhood and for the life growing within me. I hope to be as strong, generous, and loving in parenthood as my mother was to us.