Where have we been??

This photo was taken Feburary 12th. One month ago! At week 26. 

So much has happened in the past month... both Cristina and I have felt overwhelmed with trying to write a blog post. 

We went to Mexico for a very quick babymoon. We are so happy we did. I used my amex points and we stayed in cancun for 5 days. This winter has been BRUTAL. We had one snow storm after another and record low temps. Quite miserable. I'm going to leave it up to Cristina to fill in about the trip and our big news. (She has the photos from Mexico. She is our family photographer.)

We started hypnobirthing classes in February. If you don't know hypnobirthing ... It's a pretty calm and soothing meditation style of breathing and visualization. It's practiced by loads of women hoping to have a natural childbirth and seems to be very helpful with anxiety around giving birth. Our classes are taught by a woman named Amethyst (not making that up). 

I get to be the birth coach for our son. What? Me? Yeah me! Ideally Cristina and Zellbot (our nickname for the unnamed boychick) and I will work together to get him to come on down and meet the world. I know lots of people out there use doula's for this job... But I'm totally up for it! Of course we will have a obgyn and it will take place in a hospital. 

Anyway we have a lot of practicing to do....

And getting nursery ready... And the demands of work... And our new house with frozen pipe issues....and well all of the other life stuff. I don't know how single parents do it at all and we don't even have a baby yet! We are so lucky to have each other. 

Look at her at 30 weeks. Isn't she gorgeous?!?

To Life

On this day 42 years ago, my mother was becoming a parent for the first time. His name was William Glenwood Harris, Billy as we knew him, and this would have been his 42nd birthday. 

 

Each year I think about him on this day and wonder what his life would look like if he was still with us on this planet. I imagine how different my life would be if he was still here and what our family would look like with him as my brother and as my mother and father's son. I mourn his absence while simultaneously celebrating my childhood spent with a big brother. 

But this year is different, and my emotions have taken on an added layer. This morning I woke up wondering what my mother was feeling on this day 42 years ago. Was she nervous?  Did she feel overwhelmed with excitement?  Was she prepared for this new journey of parenthood?  Yes, I woke up feeling some of what my mom must have been feeling on that morning, and I didn't sleep well last night in preparation for this momentous day. In reflecting at the end of the day, it felt as though he may have been communicating with the little being inside of me and helping me remember the day that he was born. So, thank you to the mysteries of the universe for speaking through my womb and for connecting me to my own mother in ways that defy logic or reason. 

For today, I am thankful for the memories I shared with Billy in childhood and for the life growing within me. I hope to be as strong, generous, and loving in parenthood as my mother was to us. 

A look back to September

As I was looking at the notes I keep on my phone today, I found the piece below that I wrote on September 18, 2014 and thought I would share...

I have been waiting for you my whole life. And while you're just the size of a poppy seed inside of me right now, I could not be more excited to meet you!  I am certain that you will be the greatest love of my life, and knowing this, I want to share with you more about who I am, why I believe the universe chose me to be your mom, and some lessons I've learned in my time on this Earth.  I humbly share this with you because it is your right to know, and I feel compelled to share with you my heart, my soul, and my life. 

To be quite honest, this was not the way I planned my life when I was younger. Having grown up in Illinois, the expectations for women are fairly traditional in the sense that it is expected you will marry a man and start having children well before your  30th birthday. And while this was what I grew up believing would be my path (because I didn't realize there were other options), I began to get discouraged when I turned 30 and had not yet found the man of my dreams and started a family. 

But I came to realize that the universe was simply letting me discover who I was  before unfolding it's magic in the form of your mom, Liz. We found each other when I was 32, and she has become my favorite person in the world. I know that she will be the same for you too. Her warmth, compassion, generosity, humor, and ability to tell great stories makes her one-of-a-kind, and I hope that these are characteristics that you gain by having her as a mother. 

While it took us a while to get to the point of having you, our first child, this gave us plenty of time to build our love for each other and truly commit to being loving, generous, and happy parents. We have wanted to have you join our family for a long time, and now that I'm 5 weeks pregnant, I cannot wait to meet you. 

Since we found out about you just last week, I have been unbelievably excited, and you're all I can think about. I've read that this is the point where I might start to feel some morning sickness, but so far I feel great!  I have been working out and haven't felt sick at all. Let's hope that continues.

...Right now you're about the size of an apple seed (.13 inches), and the cells that form your heart and other organs are starting to come together to form you. Before next week, you will double in size and your neural tube and heart will be formed. Of course, I can't feel any of this and we won't be able to see it yet when we look at a sonogram because you're just a tiny little tadpole. But I know it's happening, and I'm picturing you growing everyday. 

I'm feeling a little bit tired from all of the work that my body is doing internally to create you, but it just means I'm going to bed earlier at night. I'm still exercising and eating well because I want to make sure you're healthy and growing. Whatever I can do to ensure you have the best life from the start is what I plan to do, so keep on growing and I'll keep creating the conditions for a happy and comfortable stay for the next 9 months.

I'm now 6 weeks pregnant, and we went back to the doctor yesterday to get our first glimpse of you. You're only the size of an apple seed right now, but we saw your tiny flickering heartbeat and we completely fell in love. You're really in there and you're  growing bigger everyday. By next week you will double in size and soon your arms, legs, nose, and ears will start to form right inside the warm and cozy environment of my uterus. It's miraculous how a little ball of cells just knows what to do. They all work together to form ll the parts that will make you a human being. And for the next 9 months you will keep growing and getting to know us, your mommies, from the inside. You'll learn our voices and hear us singing and telling silly jokes. And, in the meantime, we'll get to see glimpses of you every once in a while through ultrasound, I'll start to feel you moving around, and then we will finally get to meet you in May 2015. I can't wait for that day!

Keep the Fires Burning - 22 weeks

We've been very busy working on our house ever since the closing at the beginning of December. Garage doors just have been installed. Over the New Year Holiday my cousin Jeremy and his wife Clare as well as our friends Mary and Clarke helped us tearout our old giant brick wood stove. It's a good thing we did because the flooring underneath the brick stove was burned. There were lots of cracks in the bricks and chimney ...potentially dangerous. We used the old bricks to build a fire pit in the back yard. A new wood stove goes in on Friday. We can't wait!

Before - The old homemade russian style brick wood stove

After the demo! See that Burn in the floor...

Jeremy and Clare also helped us cut the kitchen cabinets to fit our refrigerator into place giving the kitchen much more floor space! We are so lucky to have them as family and as friends too. 

We cooked some yummy foods and collectively worked on the house for 4 days. They all helped so much... We are so thankful for everything that got accomplished. 

Mary didn't cook Lola stew

Mary makes her amazing chicken (no dog was involved until she begged for chicken)

On Tuesday night I was able to feel our baby move for the first time! We decided to watch the movie "Big Fish" which I never have seen. While we were watching Cristina grabbed my hand and put it on her belly. Then I felt him! So cool. It's sometimes hard to remember that Zellbot (our nickname for the in utero baby) is a separate entity than his mom's ever growing belly. Now that I can feel him on the outside it's so real. 

Last night was our six year anniversary of our first date. I can't believe it's been six years - that long and that short - with ups and downs that have led us to having a family of our own. We celebrated by going out to dinner at Cooklyn a new restaurant that is open near us on Vanderbilt. Cristina looks even more stunning than she did when we first met. Pregnancy really agrees with her and I'm very much in love with both the baby and the baby mama. 

Mi Amore

More than halfway! 22 weeks of Zellbot & looking good!

Family holidays and joyful anticipation

As I sit in a corner room on the 16th floor of the Palmer House hotel in Chicago, I pause to reflect on the past week in Illinois with my family and look forward to what's ahead.  Liz and I flew into Chicago on Christmas Eve, picked up a rental car at the airport, and headed 3.5 hours south to Sullivan to spend Christmas with my mom.  And although the weather forecast called for some serious snow, not even a flake fell to make it a white Christmas.  But that definitely worked to our advantage with flying and driving.

When we arrived in Sullivan, some of my closest high school friends (Allyson, Sara, and Leslie) came over with their kids, and we got to show off our newest addition, my baby bump :)  It was so wonderful to be surrounded by women I have known essentially since birth and to have them share in the joy and excitement of this moment in time.  It truly was such a gift, and I am so lucky to still be connected to such dear childhood friends.

After staying in Sullivan for Christmas Day, we hopped in the car and drove 4 hours north to Geneseo where we went to see my 95 year-old grandma, Esther, and take her out to a full family Christmas dinner at The Cellar (restaurant).  When we arrived, her room at the nursing home was bare, and she had packed up all of her belongings, including all contents of the drawers, as she said that she has to leave this place and is planning on going to her grandma and grandpa's farm.  It is such a heartbreaking thing to see such a strong, resilient, and self-sufficient woman vascillating in and out of reality and being so frustrated by this that she is ready to be done with this world.  But, then we mentioned that we were all going out for family dinner and that she could have as many beers as she wanted, and she smiled knowing that she would be liberated and fully embraced by her family for a short time.

Dinner with the family was interesting, and I am so thankful to have such an incredibly gracious and loving partner.  Liz keeps me grounded and sane, even when I feel like running out the door.  While it was a lovely dinner, I always find it challenging to be surrounded by those who are related but do not relate in any way.  We announced the news about our expanding family, and I found the response to be quite awkward and somewhat conciliatory instead of the joyful excitement that we have experienced from our New York "family".  And perhaps this was simply my own experience of the moment, but I was certainly ready for the evening to end by the time we were finished with dinner.

After spending the evening with family, we woke up yesterday and drove to Chicago.  Now, we are here for a few more hours and will head back to New York on a 4:40 plane.  While I am truly grateful for having the chance to come back to Illinois and see the family, I am SO ready to be back home!

On Wednesday, we will head up to the house and stay for the transition to the new year.  I am continually counting our blessings and reveling in the remarkable turn that our lives are taking toward new and wonderful adventures.  

Wishing you and all of your loved ones health, happiness, renewal, joy, and all the love that the world has to offer in this new year!  From the expanding Harris-Tenenbaum family to yours ... Happy New Year!

EXPANDING TOGETHER

Expansion is the word of the day.  Metaphorically stretching in new directions, and literally enlarging with each passing day.

For some of you, you've just learned the news that there's a little human growing inside of me.  And while I feel terrible to have kept it a secret for so long, now I'm ready to shout it from the rooftops and tell it to the world.  I want to tell people who sit down next to me on the subway and those who are standing on line with me at the deli... I even find myself resisting the urge to tell people while passing on the sidewalk.  But now, it's becoming undeniably apparent as the buttons on my coat and fabric of my shirts are bursting with the news even before I can say anything.

Along with the exciting news of this lovely new country home that we have acquired, we are also brimming with joy that we will be bringing a baby boy into the world on (or around) May 11, 2015.  We went for our 16-week ultrasound about 3 weeks ago, and felt incredible joy as we watched our boy move, swim, jump, and wiggle inside of my uterus.  We were able to see that all of his parts are there, and everything looks to be in great condition. I've put some first glimpses of our little guy below at 12 weeks and then again at 16 weeks.  Check out that mug!

12 weeks

16 weeks

It's a boy!!

We are now 19 weeks along, and we will return for our next ultrasound on December 30th where we will encounter him again in his expanded form.  Currently, we're told he's about the size of a mango, but 2 weeks from now he's supposed to be as big as a pomegranate.  It's a strange weekly habit I have now of comparing this human being growing inside of me to a colorful fruit.  From the outside it already looks and feels more like he's the size of a ripe honeydew!

So, here we are after our long journey together with a new house and a baby on the way.  And we couldn't be happier.  We are so happy to share all of our expansion with you and hope that you will continue to follow us on our journey through this beautiful new life of ours :)

Feels like home...

We've made it through buying our first home together! After our closing we found a creek in the backyard called Doove Kill. When we there over the fall there was less water and was difficult to see through the leaves and foliage. 

We started moving in last weekend... And so far we adore the house even though we have so many projects to get the place in shape. The house was hand built by the last owner who was known as "Burky". Burky was an artist, woodworker and all around tinkerer. He bought the land and got a backhoe to dig the foundation himself. The house is special because it is handmade and quirky. 

My wonderful cousin Jeremy came and helped us move stuff. We are so lucky to have him as family and a friend too. The three of us had breakfast at the Elizaville Diner on Saturday. While eating pancakes Jeremy looked up and said "Whoa!! Look out the window!" There was a bald eagle flying around the lake outside. We felt very American. Nature is awesome. 

It just feels like home. Waking up there feels not only normal but exactly right. I don't know if I've ever slept better. 

Our bedroom had about 10 ladybugs hanging out on the windows. I've always been told that they are good luck. It's feels like we are VERY LUCKY. 

We'll spend weekends there and I'm already longing to be there all the time. The house is going to be a magical place for us.... Especially for our child. Thank you Burky, we love the home you built.