New Jersey = My Land of the Lost

Seems we are still in holding pattern with pregnancy cycles. Waiting to see if Cristina will have another HSG test to determine if a tube is blocked and If we will change drugs. She has a great career opportunity to be trained in Denver next week, so it may complicate this cycle due to timing. While we don't want to miss a chance, we do have unavoidable things that arise... It's the way it goes. 

On Saturday night we took my cousin Jeremy and his wife Clare to see a New York Red  Bulls soccer match in Harrison, New Jersey. It was our 40th birthday gift to Jeremy from back in march. It was a quite a commute on the Path train. Took us about 2 + hours door to door. While we headed to the game we talked about what it would be like to live in New Jersey. Cristina's aunt Laurie has a business in Jersey City and she always encouraging us to look at real estate there. After living in Brooklyn for 16 years I don't think NJ is going to feel like home. I'd explore more but I just can't see living there. By the way Harrison is a weird place, desolate except for the stadium -- but of course there's condo buildings in mid construction in close proximity to the stadium. The game was a lot of fun and there was a fireworks display afterwards. Pretty impressive. 

Sunday we used out new wheels to again go to New Jersey! Twice in a weekend??? Yes. We decided to hike in palisades park along the cliffs and shores of the Hudson River. The views of northern Bronx, Spuyten Duyvil and Riverdale up past Yonkers are lovely. 

We thought we had our route all set. Cristina picked a 5 mile hike from Alpine picnic area up the cliffs to see the old foundations of the estates which are long gone now that the area is a park. 

Well we thought that was the hike we were on... But something wasn't adding up. We couldn't find the trailhead. We asked around and got pointed in one direction and started off. After about 4 miles we didn't see anything that resembled the description of the hike. We just kept on hiking looking for the next connecting trail to get us back to our car. Good thing the weather was excellent... Because we started our hike in englewood, about 6 miles south of where we were supposed to start!! We hiked about 10 miles and ended up in the parking lot of alpine picnic area, 6 miles north of where our car was. It's somehow true, the only place I've been lost the world has been in New Jersey. Foot or car doesn't matter. All I can figure is this has to do bad and lacking signage.

Considering we were tired of walking about 4 hours and hungry... For the second time in our 5.5 years as a couple we hitchhiked. (The first time was in Italy). I asked an older man with a long white beard plus 8 year old grandson for a ride to our car. They kindly obliged. If you ever need to hitchhike try to find someone with a child. They are less likely to hurt you. 

Cristina got us a groupon for this crazy Korean mega spa called King Spa in Palisades... The reason we went to NJ to hike. The spa was pure bliss after our very long trek. Boy did we need it! We were so relaxed after a few hours we both fell asleep in lazy boy recliners. A good end to the weekend. 

The Voice of NO

Her voice on the other end of the phone was so light and hopeful, "Hello, can I speak to Cristina Harris?"  I knew who was calling and was feeling encouraged by her tone of voice.  She stated her name, which I don't remember now and that she was calling from Dr. McConnell's office at Columbia. Her tone conveyed that perhaps there was some good news, exciting and life-changing news, ahead but then she said, "I'm sorry... Blah, blah, blah," and the smallest bit of hope that I had for this try was gone. The air left my heart, and I felt deflated. I squatted in the hallway at work, looking at the brown carpet, elevators, and long corridor of beige walls wondering why the universe just continues to fuck with us. It made me question everything. What am I doing?  Why am I not traveling more and having more adventures?  Why, if this is so hard, would I feel the need to bear a child of my own when there are so many unwanted babies who would be lucky to have me as a mom?  If this isn't it, then what's the big change that's going to happen in my life to move me forward?  Questioning. Everything.   

And then, as the day was coming to a close after receiving this news, I had to have a phone call with THE MOST angry, aggressive, irritating, and irascible woman I have ever met. She voiced complaint about everything, felt that she and others have been wronged, refused to listen to my explanation of how I planned to help support a fully-inclusive process, and talked over me as if nothing I said had any value.  This a professional woman whose role requires daily interaction with families. She is the co-chair of a group for which I am responsible, and yet she is truly one of the most ignorant and incompetent people I have ever met. So, by the time I got off the phone, my whole body was shaking, and my co-workers commended me on how calm and collected I remained in the face of an obviously frustrating phone call. They turned their chairs around to provide support and allow me to vent, while also giving me guidance and reassuring me that I managed someone who is historically difficult with diplomacy and finesse. This makes me incredibly thankful to be working in an environment where people care about me, believe in me, and are truly kind. It's such a refreshing change of pace.  And it's what we all deserve. 

And after all this, I left work and headed to our weekly couples therapy appointment. Our therapist was away last week, so we had A LOT to talk about. It was such a relief to have time and space to just share all that's going on for us and process it together. Although I am questioning the universe and feeling the incredible frustration of not moving forward more quickly, I am forever grateful to have Liz by my side through it all. I can't imagine riding this roller coaster with anyone else. 

T minus 3 hours

Blood drawn. 

No period

                          Sitting in my office chair like nothing is stirring inside my heart.          

         .....Waiting and hoping.... 

                             ....Waiting and planning for the next cycle of trying... 

                   Waiting and wishing that the waiting would stop.

Our 2-week action-packed journey

Family.  Celebration of life. California. Florida. 2-week waiting period. Evening in Savannah. New car.  Roadtrip up the eastern seaboard.  And the adventures of Cowboy Spike and his trusty horse, Sparky... A quick summary of the last 10 days in the life of Liz and Cristina.

This has been an action-packed couple weeks, starting with our second insemination 2 weeks ago yesterday.  We'll be returning to Columbia on Monday to find out the results, but until then, I remain confused about what's happening in my body.  It could be that the light cramps that I'm feeling mean that I'll shed my uterine lining within the next couple days and the question will be answered, but instead of coming on time, it's making us wait.  Waiting to see if there might be the seed of a new life stirring within or if we'll need to keep trying.  Only time will tell.

Last week we ventured to Northern California for a beautiful 70th birthday celebration for Liz's father, Dan.  The whole family was there, including our adorable 3 nephews.  The morning after we arrived, Mason (4 years old), walked around the house early in the morning with excitement and then returned to his mom, Catherine, and reported that the WHOLE family was sleeping in the house - Grumpus (grandpa) and Mamer (grandma); Uncle Joe, Aunt Katie, and their baby, Henry; Aunt Lizzie and Aunt Cristina from New York; Cousin Melissa from Texas; and his mom, dad, and little brother, Elliott.  What a wonderful surprise for Mason to have every family member together under one roof!

    Mason and Henry ... Superhero cousins hangin' out

We spent time preparing the house, shopping for groceries, and making sure everything was just right for the big party.  And when his 4th of July birthday rolled around, this party was such a spectacular representation of how much love is in the Tenenbaum family!  While it got crazy at times, there's no doubt that Susan (Liz's mom) goes above and beyond at all times to ensure everyone feels the love.  It was an amazing party with more than 80 people showing up at the Tenenbaum home to celebrate Dan ... and his smile was proof that he would never forget his 70th birthday.

   Cousin Melissa, Liz, and Liz's mom, Susan ... strong genetics, huh?

Three days after returning from California, we hopped on a plane for Florida.  When we thought we would be buying the home in Athens, my mom generously offered to give us her car so that we could drive back and forth on the weekends to enjoy our new home.  So, we booked a one-way flight to Florida with the plan to drive the car back to NYC.  Well, even though the house didn't work out, we now have a beautiful white Toyota Camry that drives like a dream, and we're in mid-roadtrip up the east coast... in South Carolina, to be exact.

    A little fun on Englewood Beach in Florida

    The humble beginnings of the story of Cowboy Spike and his trusty horse, Sparky.     

    It all started on a Florida beach at sunset.

We spent last night in Savannah, Georgia and enjoyed an awesome dinner with drinks at The Olde Pink House.  We had the most delicious shrimp and grits we had ever tasted, along with crab cakes, seared scallops, and some fried green tomatoes, all while listening to a piano player singing classics in a candlelit underground bar.  It was perfect!!  Then, we wondered through the historic district drooling over all of the beautifully-built 19th century homes, wishing we could transport some of them to a countryside location in the Hudson Valley where we would enjoy weekends for years to come.  Soon enough.  Soon enough.

   Adorable home in North Historic District of Savannah

As we've been on this journey, we've also been tracking the adventures of a Lego cowboy and his horse from Florida all the way to Brooklyn, and sending pictures and the story of their journey via text message to our nephew, Mason.  He's sending videos back to Cowboy Spike, and last night he pointed straight into the camera and said, "Stop eating so much candy, Cowboy Spike!"  It's adorable and makes me wonder how his brain is processing the stories of these adventures.

    Cowboy Spike and the largest candy apples in the world... he had three!

Awaiting all the wonders that lie ahead, I can't help but feel so grateful for all we have and hopeful for all that's to come.  My horoscope said that July would be the best month of the year, and that all of the waiting that's happened in the beginning of this year would be made worth it.  So, bring it on!  We are ready for a new chapter to begin.

   Cristina and baby Elliott ... I think it's love <3

Splendid Summer Solstice ... and then a week of surprises!

 Oooooweeee!  It has been quite a week. Let's start with the weekend and then proceed from there, as it gets more complicated. Liz and I had planned to spend the day of Summer Solstice (Saturday) on Fire Island because last year we made a day trip out of it, and it was magical. As our luck would have it, a friend of ours who has a house on Fire Island offered for us to stay the night, and we were elated.  Our friends Ellie and Tamika were able to join us, and we spent a glorious two days on Fire Island (a gay mecca with no cars and beautiful beaches). We grilled veggies, chicken, and corn on the cob and enjoyed dinner outside in the deck on Saturday. We spent lots of time on the beach, got to swim in a heated pool, and watched the best drag show you'll ever see by the pool at the Ice Palace. Tamika even got involved by joining in the modeling contest, which required each contestant to strut around the pool while being bad-mouthed by the drag queens. Quite a sight!

As we returned on Monday, we were feeling blissed out until we got a call from our real estate agent stating that there was another offer on the house, even though we had an accepted offer. The seller wanted BEST and HIGHEST bids by Tuesday at 6:00, and we were not allowed to have any information about the nature of the other bid. So, in our frustration and anger (it just seemed so unfair), we upped our offer and felt like we might be okay. Wednesday morning we got a call that the seller had chosen the other offer... We lost the house😞.  All day Wednesday we were both devastated, sad, and angry. But then, by Thursday, we had decompressed a bit and were able to rally our spirits back up.

Strangely, on the same day we found out we were outbid, we also received good news at Columbia that my follicles were growing and one was at 18mm. Once the follicle reaches 22-23 mm it's time to ovulate, so it was good news because they've been a bit slow to grow. We were told to monitor my possible ovulation at home with test strips each night and then come back when I was ovulating.

Well, as it turns out, I started ovulating on Thursday night and was scheduled to facilitate a training on Friday morning at 9:00 a.m. on the Brooklyn College campus, which is at least an hour commute from Columbia (fertility clinic).  So, I had to re-adjust and ask for a last-minute replacement for my first training session, and then take over for the second part of the day.  Ovulation is a short window of time, and my eggs wait for no one... so, off we went to Columbia on Friday morning for our second insemination.  It just so happens that it's also the start to PRIDE weekend here in NYC, so this just might be the perfect time to conceive a SUPER GAYBY :)

As with the first round, we are hopeful but we are also keeping our expectations low, knowing that this process could take a while for us.  And, if we happen to get pregnant this time, it will feel like a huge bonus!  So, we're thinking lots of positive baby thoughts and sending lots of love to that little one who is waiting in the wings.  When she's ready to take the stage, it will be all hers!

Casa Esperanza

We have fallen in love... With a house! After 9+ months of looking at homes upstate we found a house we love in the Hudson River town of Athens, NY. This is the second home we have made an offer on, but this time the seller accepted our offer (and this time we know we want to buy this home). This past weekend we were upstate staying in Marbletown at the home of our lovely friends Bart & Joey. They have a such a great home and land with a little pond and pasture. We've been so lucky to stay there and I think our first visit made us think about buying real estate upstate.

Lola loves her visits Upstate

,

Lola & Billie lounging at Joey & Bart's

 

I was always of the mind set that we should buy in NYC or move. Our minds shifted drastically over the last three years as the real estate market here has gone totally bonkers. We can't afford a two bedroom anyplace in the boroughs, especially not in Brooklyn. Getting a mortgage as a self employed person is no easy task and then the competition is crazy on what little inventory the housing market has currently. Because we both love our city and my business keeps me here, we are rooted here. Commuting from upstate daily isn't an option but we yearn for something that has green space. Which brings us to our current situation and best solution. We are buying a home for the weekends.

While we are nervous about affording our rent, the house and the baby we hope to make, its time to stretch and invest in our sanity.

We had the house inspected over the weekend. The results were pretty positive for a very old historic home. I will not post more until we secure our mortgage and have a closing date BUT this is what is consuming our thoughts. We look at the pictures of the house everyday. That's how in love we are.

In follicle news... No growth yet. We are still waiting. Had a sonogram at Columbia today with our favorite doctor. We return next week to see if there is growth or if Cristina has to switch meds. Patience is more than a virtue.

I'm watching a man practice rock climbing in Central Park on the boulders at the south end of the park. It's maybe a 7 ft wall at max. Funny how we can make a challenge out of even the smallest rocks.

If that mockingbird don't sing...

...It means he has a girlfriend.

In the last couple of months so many people we know are trying to get pregnant. Seemingly all of a sudden anyone who wasn't married has become engaged or hitched and now they are all banging on the conception door. Perhaps that point after reaching 35 but someplace before you turn 40 bells start going off.... when we visit the fertility clinic its now more likely we will run into friends also attempting to get knocked up. It's not a race against one another, but a race against our own aging bodies. As if I just looked at the calendar for the first time in years and realized "Oh shit, I forgot to have a baby. How did we get this old?" Oy Vey.

Cristina ran into yet another friend in the process at Columbia this morning. Nice for her to see a friendly face. There is a baby boom a happening with the LGBT couples in our age group. Ask anyone in NYC they are bound to know a non-traditional family... New Normal... Etc. Makes me feel like whatever child comes into our lives they will be surrounded with a similar community of peers! Which of course we are embracing whole heartedly.

So the follicles aren't cooperating right now. Slow to grow. Dose of clomid is increased this round.

We had the chance to facetime with my brother and our 9 month old Nephew Henry today. Damn is he cute. We have 3 Nephews. My Brother said if we manage to have a girl, our Mother will make it rain hairbows on us. She has no granddaughter. The floodgates will open for all sorts of girlie gear. I said what if we have a boy who is gender fluid? He said bring it on.

In other news... It is SPRING around here. You think that humans controls nature in this crazy concrete city? Here we have proof of a very lively wildlife community in prospect/crown heights. There is a squirrel mom and baby living in our urban garden (ahem, planters on our fire escape). They are kinda cute to watch. The mom carries the baby around in her mouth and nurses a lot. She is very protective and will not leave the baby much except to run to the tree branch right nearby the fire escape.

A Short Video of Mama & Baby

At least we provide a good home to wild squirrels with our urban garden.

Also this is our 3rd June in our apartment. Each June so far a mockingbird comes to stay in the tree in front of our apartment building. The bird's song erratic is someplace between a car alarm and a fun cacophonous melody. If you never have heard what they sound like you can listen here. They say "Unmated males are the most insistent singers, carrying on late all day and late into the night." This dude is looking for a lady for sure! Every creature wants the same thing after all.